Imagery/an explosion of my emotions of something I have yet to get over

Soft grain is strewn about the floor. A pale glow casts haunting shadows along the clapboard walls of the barn. Sounds of night echo through the air, bob white quail going to nest, ducks touching down to a pond for the night,and crickets chirping merrily. Nights at the farm were my favorite. A warm glow from the fire can be seen in the distance as I walk back alone from the woods. Its almost a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. The woods signify a fear of darkness, that I believe all man has. Shouts of laughter and coarse language can be heard as I approach. Funny jokes are made about marksmanship and other things. Food.Good Lord the food was so good. It came out steaming,warm, and inviting. Deer,wild turkey, wild rice...the list goes on. We would sit around listen to music,swap stories some true some not. Then we would all sit quietly and just sort drift off to our own thoughts. Some would stair deeply into the heart of the fire and think of home or family. Others like myself would stair up;straight up at the night sky. I would sit in my lawn chair gazing toward the heavens looking into the face of our God. The night sky over the farm is a surreal thing that few can experience. I guess I am writing this to just try to make sense of it all. For those that go to school with me, I was gone on the weekends. I was about 20 exits down 77 South almost every weekend. Hunting,fishing,working,living. It is like losing a loved one. It sounds so silly of me to say that but I believe it. On my last night at the farm I went alone out to the barn like I always did. I stared up at that night sky I had seen a 1000 times. I knelt down and scooped some dirt into a coffee can and drove away. That was it. It was one of  the most monumental moments of my life and it just ended. I guess I am just now realizing now how hard it is. But it will get better. Will it? Time heals. I hope and pray it does. As for now I must find a new place to plant these memories I have.

http://vimeo.com/37601529

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the LORD

And how blessed all those in whom you live, 
      whose lives become roads you travel; 
   They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, 
      discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! 
   God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and 
      at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!

Psalm 84:5-7 (The Message)

   I was recently in the mountains, and this verse came to mind.This psalm is a cry of adoration to God. " And how blessed all those in whom you live!" This meant a lot to me, because this poem relates to the mountains. It talks of quiet pools brimming with rain. It is the piece of God within us. The mountains are such a clear picture of our walk with God. You have the peaks and valleys."They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks."  When you look at the mountains, you see God in full view. I personally take great comfort in the mountains. I was raised each summer at the foot of the Blue Ridge mountains. We would sit out on the porch and listen to the night come alive with crickets and the bubbling brook. We would sit and play music till the early morning, and sing and laugh. The mountains in my eyes is communion with God and others. It is a place to love, and live life. The mountains run deep in my veins. My great-grandfather at the age of 13 moved his 8 siblings from deep in Georgia up to Asheville to work in the mills. My grandfather was born in his home in Mars Hill NC. Our lives have been centered around a 35 mile stretch between Asheville and Montreat NC for the past 90 odd years. The verse above is actually from my aunts memorial handout at her service. We all hiked down to the cool mountain pools ,where the column-barium is . Soft sounds of nature were all around. The quiet sound of the stream, the soft sounds of mockingbirds,and robins in the tall oaks. She was at peace here. She like the rest of us, was captivated by the mountains. As we sat there in reverence , my family read aloud this verse and it was true that God,the Creator.Zion! Was indeed in full view. We often get our view of God clouded by everyday things, but to go sit alone in a calm place in the Blue Ridge is pretty close to perfect. 

The quarry

          I walked along a beautiful country lane the other day enjoying all that summer had to offer.

I watched as acre upon acre of corn stretched up toward the sky. I watched as mourning doves flew from power-line to power-line. I turned off of the lane ,and walk down into the tall pine forest.  A few moments later I happened upon one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. An old abandoned rock quarry in the heart of this farmland. The story goes that they were mining and hit a natural mineral spring. The water is a deep green almost blue green. Your body glows with its color as you swim along. Since the farm has been sold, I have been drawn to open country like this. I find myself driving on old back roads,or going fishing for no real reason. I guess its just that I can find comfort or ; closure in beautiful places like this. The farm, was my place to commune with friends, and with God. It was a place I could go and be in His creation. So I suppose I am drawn to places like this because it gives me similar Aha moments. The quarry has the fantastic echo and it is so quiet that you can practically here your heart beating. It is the most peaceful place I have been. Its almost as if this place is where I came to heal. To come back into the country and find my love for it again. I definitely will be back to this place very soon 

I am a bit of a sucker for soft singing guitar pickin ladies.So check out this great cover artist I found on youtube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkoyqLQgWOs&feature=relmfu

A Eulogy of sorts

      My heart breaks as I write these words. Words can't express the deep emotional roots that have grown rich and deep into the soil of a place I call home. I have spent what seems like a lifetime at 2016 Daffodil Road Rock Hill SC. But really its been a mere 15 years. A flood of memories rushes over me every time I think of it. Cold hunt mornings,where you can barely feel your toes.Hot coffee,eggs,hominy grits,and a cat nap after an early morning. Working on the Jeep that loves to break .Just going down old I-77 South for the day with friends. As I have sat and watched my true home be sold like cattle on an auction block I have been mulling over a lot of things in my mind. Its like watching someone die. You can go see them, but you know that one day they won't be there. This land, this place,and these memories bring one word to mind. Reconciliation.This has been a place for my father and myself to rekindle a relationship with my grandfather. This was the place where my dad would come visit "PaPa" as we call him. Time has healed their relationship,but so has The Cauthen Family Farm. I will always cherish memories of riding through the fields at dusk on my grandfathers lap. The old Ford tractor chugging along and almost dying.I could spend days recounting old tales that would make you laugh till tears. One memory, I guess series of memories comprised into one are the late nights by the fire pit. Songs,stories(fibs),and good food has been shared at the edge of that fire. Everyone from city slickers, to country boys,rich and poor have sat around that fire. Each person has their own memories. Each memory is special. This is one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had to be apart of. Things will get better though. As my father and I were driving I-77 north back home the other night. I said "Dad, sometimes the right thing sucks". Sorry I didn't say that in a more lofty pretentious way ha but its true. I will always miss the place I truly call home but I know that it is not eternal. When I die I will not go to the farm. I will arrive at the gates of paradise where I will be forever cleansed of all my wrongs. However, if there had to be a heaven on earth it would be 2016 Daffodil Road. Also my dad and I worked out a deal. When he dies I am gonna sneak back out to the farm one starry night and spread his ashes on our land. It may be not ours anymore, but the spirit of the place will always ring true. No one can replace what happened there. So farewell my dear farm. I will miss everything about you with every fiber of my being and I know many others will too. 

Trees whip buy as we drive with the music blaring.
An old Alabama song plays as we pass the Rock Quarry off N Fork road.
Farms and fields go by as we grow closer.
There is nothing like a day in the backwoods of North Carolina.
We pull up to the spot.
Kids jump out.
People laughing,splashing and joking.
Life is good.