Imagery/an explosion of my emotions of something I have yet to get over

Soft grain is strewn about the floor. A pale glow casts haunting shadows along the clapboard walls of the barn. Sounds of night echo through the air, bob white quail going to nest, ducks touching down to a pond for the night,and crickets chirping merrily. Nights at the farm were my favorite. A warm glow from the fire can be seen in the distance as I walk back alone from the woods. Its almost a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. The woods signify a fear of darkness, that I believe all man has. Shouts of laughter and coarse language can be heard as I approach. Funny jokes are made about marksmanship and other things. Food.Good Lord the food was so good. It came out steaming,warm, and inviting. Deer,wild turkey, wild rice...the list goes on. We would sit around listen to music,swap stories some true some not. Then we would all sit quietly and just sort drift off to our own thoughts. Some would stair deeply into the heart of the fire and think of home or family. Others like myself would stair up;straight up at the night sky. I would sit in my lawn chair gazing toward the heavens looking into the face of our God. The night sky over the farm is a surreal thing that few can experience. I guess I am writing this to just try to make sense of it all. For those that go to school with me, I was gone on the weekends. I was about 20 exits down 77 South almost every weekend. Hunting,fishing,working,living. It is like losing a loved one. It sounds so silly of me to say that but I believe it. On my last night at the farm I went alone out to the barn like I always did. I stared up at that night sky I had seen a 1000 times. I knelt down and scooped some dirt into a coffee can and drove away. That was it. It was one of  the most monumental moments of my life and it just ended. I guess I am just now realizing now how hard it is. But it will get better. Will it? Time heals. I hope and pray it does. As for now I must find a new place to plant these memories I have.